


Learning Why

by BornToFly02



Series: Alec's Numbers [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Feels Guilty, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Depressed Alec Lightwood, Explanations, Family Feels, Father-Son Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Parents Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Rafael Lightwood-Bane, Self-Harming Alec Lightwood, Supportive Magnus Bane, Supportive Rafael Lightwood-Bane, and he gets one, times two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BornToFly02/pseuds/BornToFly02
Summary: When he was adopted by Alec and Magnus, Rafael continued his training to become a Shadowhunter. After something goes wrong on one of his missions when he's 15, Rafe finally finds out the truth behind the numbers.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Rafael Lightwood-Bane, Magnus Bane & Rafael Lightwood-Bane, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Alec's Numbers [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1737313
Comments: 6
Kudos: 226





	Learning Why

Rafael was so excited when he was finally considered a real shadowhunter. Many of his family members were and proud of it.

His father was technically his boss but it was fine. Having been raised by Alec Lightwood-Bane, he could understand why he gave certain orders, made certain decisions. Unlike some Institute Heads, Alec Lightwood didn't show favouritism, be it towards high placed families or his own.

He had been a Lightwood-Bane for ten years when it happens. He and Max still drew on whatever whiteboard they found and neither had thought to question what their Papa had told them all those years ago. At least, until one of his missions went wrong.

They had gotten the wrong information and ended up facing more Demons than they thought. They killed them all, but Rafe got injured in the process, landing him in the infirmary. He was unconscious for a while but it wasn't too bad. Less than an hour later he was up looking around for his Dad. Unfortunately no one seemed to have seen him since Rafe was brought in with an injury.

He was walking towards the training room when he figured out where his dad was!"

"Alec! Alexander stop!"

"No, I-" There was a pause in the sound of flesh hitting material. "I need this."

Rafe frowned and approached the door more cautiously. He would never admit it, but his dad's tone scared him.

"Oh my Angel."

"You don't know what it was like. I sent them on that mission, sent him, with insufficient information. They came back injured. My son, our son, was unconscious. Unresponsive. And I-"

He opened the door in time to see his dad hit the punching bag violently before sagging against it, indifferent to the blood coating it.

"Alexander, you couldn't have known. And Rafael has chosen this life. Bad things happen sometimes and all we can do is help him prepare for those eventualities. As much as we would both love to wrap our children in bubble wrap and lock them behind the strongest wards possible, we both know that'd be no use. We can no more stop them from protecting others than I could stop you.

Rafe watched his Papa coax his Dad away from the bag and onto a bench where his fiery blue magic conjured up some bandages for the bruised and bloody hands.

"You have until we go home then I'm healing them." the warlock said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Unable to just stand by and watch anymore, Rafe stepped further into the room he had spent so much of his time in.

"Dad?"

Alec's head snapped up to see his older son staring at them hesitantly and looked away, the feeling of shame and guilt filling him.

"Rafael, how long have you been there?" Magnus asked, glancing over at his husband.

"Long enough. Dad, why didn't you wrap your hands? That was one of the first things you taught me."

Alec pressed his fingers into the bandages over his knuckles, breathing easier with the sting. Magnus looked over at him, warlock mark visible as he silently asked whether or not to take the explanation. The Head of the New York Institute sighed before patting the bench beside him. Rafael sat but kept his eyes solely on his father. Alec had been the one to find him on the streets and bring him to New York, he loved his Papa too but he had always been closer to his Dad.

"Magnus, could you please change the number?" Alec's face was blank as he made the request but Rafe could here the slight tremor in his voice.

The glitter covered man stood and walk calmly over to the giant whiteboard in the training room and erased the number on it, replacing it with a zero. Rafe took in a sharp breath, something clicking in his head.

"As you know," Alec started, "our society has a lot of rules. Lots of expectations and strong opinions. Well, when I was little, I took our society's views to heart and decided that emotions are weaknesses. Your Aunty Izzy thinks that because I repressed my emotions so much, I never really learned how to handle them in a healthy way. If something bad happened and I thought it was my fault, my emotions would become to much for me to handle and the way I tried to deal with it was by hurting. I'd punch the bag until my knuckles bled," he clenched his hands, staring at the stark white bandages against his tan skin, "or I'd practice with my bow until my palm was sliced open."

"He's gotten better," Magnus said, sitting on Rafe's other side. "Especially when we got you and your brother. But sometimes-"

"You forget."

Alec looked down at his son's voice. He could usually tell what the members of his family were thinking based on their voices alone but now it was blank.

"It's like an itch under my skin that doesn't go away. I can ignore it at times, almost as if it wasn't there. But other times ignoring it just doesn't work, at those times there's always someone there to help me."

"Like how Uncle Jace visits more often when the numbers are low. That's why you use the boards."

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you the truth sooner."

"No, I get it dad. I'm not sure how I would've handled it before. I don't know if I would have believed you if I hadn't sort of seen it for myself. You always seem so put together."

"Guess I'm not as strong as you thought." Alec said with a wry, self-deprecating grin.

"No, you're stronger." Rafe said determinedly before pulling the older shadowhunter into a strong hug.

Magnus watched with soft feline eyes at two of his favourite nephilim. He knew in that moment that they would be okay. He still wasn't able to see the future but that much was clear.

* * *

Over the next few days, Rafael adjusted to the new information about his dad. He ended up looking back at the times around when the boards (which were everywhere) went down to zero and his dad's demeanor.

Soon, however, he fell into the same routine as all their other family members, checking in on low days, helping him by drawing even more on the whiteboards (and yes Uncle Jace, it does help, Aunty Clary said art can help). As for his brother, Rafe didn't say anything. Max was only 13 years old, and a young 13. He didn't have to deal with that type of thing just yet and when he was a little older, it'd be up to their parents to explain.

The blue warlock did find out a couple years later and didn't take it well. He spent about a week living with Rafael but the older boy managed to show him a different perspective and he soon joined 'the Numbers Club' as Uncle Simon called it.

(Max fully approved of the name but Rafe joined his dad in rolling his eyes whenever it was used)


End file.
